Have you ever felt silenced or that you could not speak up? Speaking truth through authentic communication can be hard if you have come from a space (childhood or relationship) where you were constantly silenced, bringing your voice forward can feel unsafe. So, how do we begin to bring our voices forward in an authentic way? Asserting and taking a stand is not an easy move.
Stillness ~ Silence ~ Solitude is something I have learned through my own coaching experiences where I have gone through programs and done my own work. Getting quiet was where I could begin to really dive deeper internally and hear my own voice. Sitting back and beginning to understand oneself and what you want, need and desire is a key component in effectively and authentically having healthy communication. Becoming calm and remove the chaos from internal and external space makes room for clarity and the ability to have conversations are easier. Speaking truth from an authentic place in ourselves is a practice.
After getting still to hear yourself, the next step is beginning to identify when a conversation or situation didn’t feel good, hit wrong, or made you feel triggered. I have found it so very important to not be reactionary. Literally coming to a space where I have snatched words and thoughts right out of the air as I started to speak them. Now, here are some of the steps I follow, first sit with the feeling, step back and ask the questions:
- Why did I feel that way about said situation/conversation?
- How could I communicate how it made me feel/felt?
- Could I have communicated better?
- How am I feeling? (Illness, Overly Tired, Anxious)
Communicating so another hears us and feeling safe is important. And the people who really care about us will be willing to have hard conversation and willing to hear us.
Sometimes I have to take a couple days to step back and do some self reflections. Sometimes, it’s something I need to let go. If it hit me really wrong and it’s a learning for both parties, the conversation is warranted. In this instance, I will ask.
- There is a conversation we had that I’d like to get some clarity around. Is now a good time?
- When ______________ was said, I felt _____________.
- How can we ____________?
Healthline has a communication article for couples (but the principles are the same for great communication).
Communication is a dance with the lens of our perceptions and what was actually meant. Without having authentic communication and speaking your truth, the lines are blurred. Be brave and have the clarifying conversations to speak your truth through authentic communication.
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